Tuesday, July 13, 2010

How Does Marriage Survive?

Fresh from a screaming match with my husband about....his mother. I keep wondering how a marriage can survive this and what the breaking point will be. Tonight it was after the evening phone call during which he had himself muted and was talking to me about the All-Star Game right after he asked his mother if she removed the Aricept from her pill box. I yelled, sorry..that was my reaction to it, "PAUSE and MUTE the friggin TV when you are talking to your mother!" Well that sure went over big! He was about as mad as it goes because he doesn't ike being told what to do.

Too bad! Today we had to tell his mom, over the phone, that her doctor wanted her to discontinue Aricept because it seems to be adding Confusion to the Memory Loss. I got her to remove todays small white pill but with all her talking I could not get her to remove the rest of the week so I asked hubby to do it during his call. There she was with the pill box in hand saying that there was nothing in todays slots so she must have taken them...there was the perfect opportuity to encourage her to take them out of at the very least, tomorrow, and my husband could NOT pause and mute the TV.

It just really may drive me crazy. His argument style is to attack with fast words and screaming and my style is to talk calmly...repeating, much like his mother with yelling added for good measure. We get no where! I am left with these tears which I am hiding at all cost! I can't help but worry about her, it seems to be my nature. Call me a control freak.

What my husband does is throw back articles I have read to him about NOT quizzing the Alzheimer patient. I find it so annoying that he does it that I start yelling back at him. Quizzing her and trying to lead her slowly through a task are two very different things...at least they are to me.

Last week I was on the couch overnight and when we talked the next day I had hope that we could work together. Tonight I feel less hopeful that we can survive this crisis. I take on too much responsibility and worry too much I guess and I honestly have no idea how to balance myself. I spend hour upon hour reading about this crappy disease and trying to make her life and ours easier. Am I failing? Maybe so.

1 comment:

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