Friday, February 3, 2012

    I have not posted to my blog for months.  It seems that I am totally below water.  I can't seem to rise from this funk of being the caregiver.  What is WRONG with me?  I realize caring for my mother-in-law who has dementia is now "my life" but it is just so hard.  I am tired most of the time and my pain levels are beyond belief.  I am not all that surprised that I can't find myself typing out the story I am living.
(Note to self) Do not start every sentence of your blog post with the word, I.

      Nothing is getting done and that really frustrates me.  My plans were to get a new door on Betty's house as soon as we got down here.... still not done.  Then I knew I wanted to get her an appointment at the Memory Care place in Tampa for testing... not done.  She needs her house power washed and her bushes cut...not done.  There is the shower business, the clothes washing, the getting winter clothes out, the eye doctor, the list goes on and on.  Most could be accomplished with a phone call and still...NOTHING.

      I can blame my back pain, my fibromyalgia, my achilles pain but we are talking about a few phone calls.  It just really makes me feel like I am a failure.  Thank God I have been able to keep her fridge stocked.  Arghhh!

    Christmas was not like any Christmas I have ever celebrated.  No gifts exchanged.  No money = no gifts.  I suppose if I had been brought up that way it would not be as bad, but my whole life has been spent buying gifts for everyone and myself.  Yes, and myself.  Since I have always been married to men who don't want to spend even a minute thinking of buying something for someone, I have bought my own gifts and had them wrap them and give them to me.  So, it was a double whammy!  I could not GIVE gifts to others and could not GET gifts for me. Well Missy... you certainly sound like a greedy girl.  Haaaa!!!!!!   I just love giving gifts.  It was a sad time for me and as you can see, I am still writing about it in February.
(Note to self) Took Christmas tree down January 31. Or was it February 1?)

   We had several very sad losses last year...
          My wonderful uncle, Dan Evans, Bob's cousin, Ted Washburn, his uncle, Don Washburn and his aunt, Priscilla Washburn Hall.   
     I was blessed to be with my Uncle Dan when he passed and gave a eulogy at his service.  He suffered so much from cancer it was a blessing when he finally let go.  I watched him struggle and work so very hard for the last hours and tried to help Aunt Ellie let go.  Such sadness.
     Our shock over Ted's death may never leave us and we feel so sad for his family.  We are thankful for the birth of Jackie's two grandson's who remind us all that life is filled with joy beyond measure.
    Losing Betty's brother Don, after his struggle with Alzheimer's, possibly the same disease she is battling, was so sad esp. for her.  She couldn't quite remember him being "that ill."   I am grateful we decided not to tell her about Ted because I am afraid she would have had a very bad reaction to that news.
     Priscilla's death was such a surprise.  We had just talked to her in the spring and when the call came we expected it to be Don or Fred (who also has Alzheimer's) so when they said Priscilla...the youngest of the Washburn clan.  Just unexpected!!  

    On a happy note, Ryan Paul was born to Josh and Annie.  Another grand baby!  Next surprise... they are expecting #4!  There have been some problems with the pregnancy so we are praying all goes well.  Even surprise babies are welcome in the Gray household!!  This will be their last baby because of the snip snip, and so Annie is quite sure it is a special blessing from God.  All prayers are welcome!!!
A new Gray baby!

     What a bunch of  gobbledegook!  Thank goodness I can go back and edit! 

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Thank you so much for taking the time to leave a comment. It means a lot to me. Mary GW