VeryInkyFingers ... Authentic ... Real... Unafraid

2012-02-09T12:07:00.000-05:00

Betty is my mother-in-law. When we first met I think she might not have been too fond of me. I met her once in the summer and by Christmas I was in her house visiting for 10 days with her beloved son. She is one of the original helicopter moms. It may not have seemed so to Bob at the time but I could see it right away.

That Christmas I went out and bought lots of gifts and wrapped them and put them under their tree. I saw Bob's dad go out to Sears and buy a bag full of hand tools, for me, which he was told he could not give to me as, "You don't even KNOW her." He wrapped the gifts, sitting on the floor, grumbling about having to give them to Bob as Betty instructed. "Mary is the one who likes tools," he told Betty. Trust me, even then I knew she was not to be dealt with and so the wrenches and screwdrivers were opened by Bob and I was given a coffee mug which I have often thought was a re-gift.

The next Christmas I arrived laden down with gifts and with no expectation to receive gifts in return. That Christmas Bo bought me some tools from Sears, wrapped them and there did not seem to be any arguments, they were under the tree with my name on them. He sent me home with one of his saws as well and some plastic ties from a package of a zillion he had. He genuinely seemed to like me from day one but it took Betty awhile. A long while.

Betty would tell the same stories over and over and would repeat things almost verbatim, as though memorized and told as "story." I would go home from the visits and think to myself that she had spent so much time bragging about herself. I thought it was strange but Bob did not seem to see it at all so I thought it must be me...maybe I was exaggerating. Year after year I heard the same stories over and over. To me it seemed so odd but Bob did not find it strange.

When Bo died Bob started out calling his mother twice a day. For the original helicopter mom those calls were all she lived for. She hardly ever went out to play golf after Bo passed as that first year she nearly fell and hurt her shoulder. So, those calls meant a great deal. There didn't seem to be any friends and certainly no activities. She was never much of a reader, no crafts, no clubs and with golf curtailed that left, sitting at home waiting for "the calls."

I went out and purchased a laptop so that she could e-mail Bob and maybe get some interest from being online. I got her a digital camera so that she could take pictures without worrying about development. Almost daily I was on the phone with Betty, talking her through getting the computer on, finding the e-mail that had just "disappeared" without her touching "anything" and just turning the thing on and off. Dealing with her unplugging things because they felt warm or she heard a fan running was in itself frustrating. I could spend an hour a day talking with her and I did it over and over with as much patience as could be mustered. Trust me, she NEVER knew if I were frustrated by the calls, although she was always apologetic. That is something she has always been!

The laptop worked for the first year and a half maybe two, daily calls included. She looked forward to Bob e-mailing during lunch and she would sit and type out a long e-mail to him. What I would ever have to share with my kids for two calls and an e-mail I have NO CLUE! But, they seemed to be able to find things to say and I am glad I was able to give her the ability to do that.

One of the RED FLAGS that happened was one fall when Betty got home, she could not find the cords to her laptop and she started accusing her neighbors daughter, Vickie, of using the computer during the summer. Vickie's mom and dad came over, no doubt pretty hurt and angry, and found the cord under the bed where Betty had hidden it before she left.
Luckily these neighbors knew Betty and loved her before this happened so they realized that things were changing with her memory, and have been kind about her forgetfulness.

When Bob and I got married, Bo had already passed. Betty had to go outside before the wedding and during the reception as she got to feeling faint. Helicopter mom. She actually told me she had an attack. I was having such a good time I just smiled and told her I was glad she felt better. That seemed to take care of it and she appeared to enjoy the rest of the day.

Betty always had good things to say about me, to me. But, she has often asked for pictures of me when Bob and I first met because she says, "I have told my family how you looked when you first met Bob and they can't believe it." (I have gained 30 pounds) Hello? So, I have tried to always be kind and respectful to Betty but have known that she has had issues with anyone being between her and her Bob who she has more than once called "her boyfriend."

That brings us to now. The caregiving. The tremendous patience it takes. Allowing dignity. Trying to think ahead of trouble. Listening to the neediness and knowing that a part of me remembers the years when I was on the #1 re-gift list. Putting her neediness before my needs when often I could curl up into a ball and beg to be left alone. Setting aside my sadness and realizing that she is afraid and sad beyond belief and that I would be a lesser person if I did not put her needs ahead of my own. Holding my tongue when Betty says things that could seem crazy when I know that it is the disease talking. And sometimes, no most times, she just needs to talk and feel less crazy not receive affirmation that she is crazy.

So, it is a struggle. I am only writing here about my struggle. I am only writing about the part that I feel safe to share.

2012-02-03T09:41:00.000-05:00

I have not posted to my blog for months. It seems that I am totally below water. I can't seem to rise from this funk of being the caregiver. What is WRONG with me? I realize caring for my mother-in-law who has dementia is now "my life" but it is just so hard. I am tired most of the time and my pain levels are beyond belief. I am not all that surprised that I can't find myself typing out the story I am living.
(Note to self) Do not start every sentence of your blog post with the word, I.

Nothing is getting done and that really frustrates me. My plans were to get a new door on Betty's house as soon as we got down here.... still not done. Then I knew I wanted to get her an appointment at the Memory Care place in Tampa for testing... not done. She needs her house power washed and her bushes cut...not done. There is the shower business, the clothes washing, the getting winter clothes out, the eye doctor, the list goes on and on. Most could be accomplished with a phone call and still...NOTHING.

I can blame my back pain, my fibromyalgia, my achilles pain but we are talking about a few phone calls. It just really makes me feel like I am a failure. Thank God I have been able to keep her fridge stocked. Arghhh!

Christmas was not like any Christmas I have ever celebrated. No gifts exchanged. No money = no gifts. I suppose if I had been brought up that way it would not be as bad, but my whole life has been spent buying gifts for everyone and myself. Yes, and myself. Since I have always been married to men who don't want to spend even a minute thinking of buying something for someone, I have bought my own gifts and had them wrap them and give them to me. So, it was a double whammy! I could not GIVE gifts to others and could not GET gifts for me. Well Missy... you certainly sound like a greedy girl. Haaaa!!!!!! I just love giving gifts. It was a sad time for me and as you can see, I am still writing about it in February.
(Note to self) Took Christmas tree down January 31. Or was it February 1?)

We had several very sad losses last year...
My wonderful uncle, Dan Evans, Bob's cousin, Ted Washburn, his uncle, Don Washburn and his aunt, Priscilla Washburn Hall.
I was blessed to be with my Uncle Dan when he passed and gave a eulogy at his service. He suffered so much from cancer it was a blessing when he finally let go. I watched him struggle and work so very hard for the last hours and tried to help Aunt Ellie let go. Such sadness.
Our shock over Ted's death may never leave us and we feel so sad for his family. We are thankful for the birth of Jackie's two grandson's who remind us all that life is filled with joy beyond measure.
Losing Betty's brother Don, after his struggle with Alzheimer's, possibly the same disease she is battling, was so sad esp. for her. She couldn't quite remember him being "that ill." I am grateful we decided not to tell her about Ted because I am afraid she would have had a very bad reaction to that news.
Priscilla's death was such a surprise. We had just talked to her in the spring and when the call came we expected it to be Don or Fred (who also has Alzheimer's) so when they said Priscilla...the youngest of the Washburn clan. Just unexpected!!

On a happy note, Ryan Paul was born to Josh and Annie. Another grand baby! Next surprise... they are expecting #4! There have been some problems with the pregnancy so we are praying all goes well. Even surprise babies are welcome in the Gray household!! This will be their last baby because of the snip snip, and so Annie is quite sure it is a special blessing from God. All prayers are welcome!!!

A new Gray baby!

What a bunch of gobbledegook! Thank goodness I can go back and edit!

2012-02-03T09:17:00.001-05:00

2011-11-16T18:40:00.001-05:00

10 top reasons to blog about my journey with Bob and his mother:

1. It helps me keep things in perspective.

2. I can keep track of all of the oddities of life.

3. This is a pretty font.

4. I can see if any of my children ever read my blog.

5. I can type when I feel like crying because I can't do both.

6. It can remind me that I have already had this argument with Betty before...a lot.

7. I can track my fears.

8. I can S C R E A M with my keyboard and it is not quite so jarring!

9. It reminds me to record things that are both positive and negative.

10. I can see that I am trying and that there is a difference between trying and being trying.

2011-11-06T23:46:00.001-05:00

Miss Booey is my comfort.

I dare say God sent her to me as a comfort for the day we would have to part with our Bill and she has been my wonderful companion through all my days of pains and frustrations.

2011-11-04T15:42:00.001-04:00

I am sure that I should have been keeping this blog up to date because there are so many things that have happened from July to now. Just recording the loss of my dear beloved Uncle Danny would have been helpful, I am sure.

The summer went by in a whirl and all of my fears and dreaded moments more or less came to life but I lived thru it as I always seem to do. There was no privacy, there were tense moments and nothing was planned for "the future" which is NOW.

I was able to spend time with Uncle Danny and Aunt Ellie as he journeyed towards his last breath. I was able to comfort both of them by "just being present" and I am so grateful that I was able to offer myself for that time. I thank God that I was in the right place so that I could be there. Imagine if I had been in FL!
I was also able to speak during his memorial service and that served to be a huge comfort to Aunt Ellie and I hope to others. Josh officiated over the service, Dan's request, and he prepared a beautiful service.

There were some struggles with Betty but for the most part we all learned to live together and coped. I admit that I looked forward to the few times that we had the house to ourselves but that of course is the selfish side of me which I would like to gloss over. We found ourselves having to leave Betty at home alone a couple times for a few hours. It always left me feeling anxious but worked out ok. The times that she was with Paula and with Pat were times I felt free and without anxiety and boy did I relish them.

Pills... seemed to NOT be a problem when we were together because I put them into a little glass bowl by the breakfast dish and the same little glass dish by the dinner plate. there were few questions asked as we ate pretty much on a schedule. 10 a.m. and 6 p.m. At 2 p.m. I made her a sandwich with chips, milk, 2 cookies and she ate it as she sat on the couch.

Now we are back south and what a mess it seems. I feel a wreck. That is all I can say.

2011-07-06T11:03:00.000-04:00

The day began with Betty downstairs dressed at 9:20. This is unheard of! Her usual time is by 10 while she is here and 11 when she is home. Today we had planned to pick up an online order at Best Buy and be back by 10:30 so that she could just lol around in bed a bit. Is that what happened.... of course not.

So, I suggested that she come with us for the ride. I got an earful... "I am not going to stand around in a store looking at computers." "I don't go out until I have my breakfast in a relaxed way." "This is why I live alone."

So, I plopped the cereal and sliced banana on the table with her juice and morning pills. I could not seem to help myself when I said, "We wait for you every morning so I did not think it was going to be a problem to have you wait for us." Why must I say things that I KNOW she will not "get?"

All in all...I need a vacation!

2011-06-24T16:46:00.000-04:00

Today Betty decided she is NOT going to the graduation party with her niece tomorrow. Today, I went up and got the bathroom ready for her to take a shower and wash her hair and when I came down and asked if she was coming up, I get a pouty two year old telling me, "NO." She tells me she is NOT taking a shower and washing her hair because she is NOT going tomorrow.

I calmly explain that she always says she doesn't want to go but always has a great time when she goes. Then I say that I am counting on her going because Bob and I are going to go up to visit with my Uncle Danny who is in t he process of losing a long battle with cancer.

Then she says, "I am NOT going because I don't want them to feel sorry for me." So I respond, "Why on earth are people going to feel sorry for you?" She can't explain it. So I say, "Just go take a shower and wash your hair and you will feel better."

This goes on and on back and forth for an hour while Bob is down doing the treadmill. When he finally comes up he starts yelling at her which solves nada. I finally say...fine. You cannot stay here alone. You cannot stay at Paula's alone. She says she will call Paula and ask her to stay there. I keep repeating that we don't want her to stay alone.

I tell her that if I had known I could have found someone to stay with her and she gets pissed and says she doesn't need a babysitter. Even when I try to say that she likes people and loves to talk and that the people they send are nice...she just gets mad and says, "I can stay alone."

So, I imagine I will have to drive to Ellie's alone and Bob will stay her with Betty.

I am so pissed that no arrangements have been made before this so that situations like this don't come up. Are we supposed to stay here with Betty all the time? What the hell are we going to do in the fall? Then she says..."You just want to lock me up in an old ladies home."

Tell that to my thousands of dollars I have spent to help take care of you by buying things for you and spending money getting us to Florida. I am so tired. I feel sorry for myself right now and I should feel sorry for Betty. I am just pissed. And... I cannot stop crying.

By the way.... NO shower and NO hair washing.

2011-06-21T11:53:00.000-04:00

This is a record of my journey with Bob's mom, Betty, who had been diagnosed last spring with mild cognitive loss. Now that I typed it I am not sure that is what they said exactly. I will say this, she has progressed during this past year.

We spent our winter living in Florida, about eight miles from her house. I am sitting here trying to put words to this whole thing.... as a record... and I am already having trouble. It is tiring that is all I can say. Emotionally and Physically exhausting.

Now, Betty is here with us in our home. Spending the summer. Volatile. This is the way I would describe the air.

2011-05-24T22:38:00.000-04:00

Loving my new Kindle... makes it easy to carry reading material with me to fall back on during long card games we play with Betty.

I bought some great mysteries for just 99 cents each. Can't go wrong with that and they are a series.

Bob just off the telephone with Betty. She seems to forget that she has already called and said goodnight so she repeats the whole call. Plus, the second call seems to get later and later.

I am trying to prepare myself for Betty's stay with us this summer. I am sorry to say I dread it, but would be less than honest if I pretended that spending 24 hours a day for four months with Betty, was going to be stress-free. I can't really imagine it.

And So It Begins...Again

2011-05-14T18:59:00.001-04:00

I know that I seemed to have disappeared and truth be told... I did. I admit now that disappearing from the blog has not made this journey with Bob's mom any easier. Betty's memory is failing even more and our stay here in Florida has been filled with more stress than I thought I could shoulder.

The weather here is HOT and I spend most of my time indoors with my heating pad. Thank God for the ceiling fan and the air conditioner because I could never use the heating pad for pain relief without them.

Betty's doctor prescribed Namenda which I have not given her yet as I can't figure out how that will happen. I have so much trouble getting her to take her pills even though they are in a weekly pill container, which I keep organized. Most of the time there are at least three screwed up, took too many or not enough. Without the Namenda she is only taking Simvastatin and Lisinopril plus her vitamins. The Namenda needs to be taken twice per day but I just cannot see it happening! Today, while cleaning around the couch, I found one of her a.m. vitamins...huh? Bob mentioned that he noticed her with them in a napkin in her purse when she was here last night. Does that mean she took the Lisinopril but hid the vitamins away in her purse? When? Why?

I was thinking this morning that, God forbid, anything happened to BOTH Bob and me at the same time, Betty could not get on by herself. She can't shop, no longer drives, make sure she is eating, organize and take her pills, manage her banking. Someone would need to take over as soon as possible and she would NOT like it one bit. It takes a great deal of finesse to get things done where she is concerned. She balks at needing help and is in denial about much of the memory issues. Her "sundowning" seems to be getting worse and triple that if she has not eaten enough during the day.

Our summer will be interesting to say the least as Betty will be with us all summer rather than sharing time between her niece's and our house. Paula just doesn't feel comfortable leaving Betty in her house alone while she is working. We certainly understand but we are trying to approach it in a way that doesn't let Betty know it is Paula's fear and have it more of a convenience for us; no long rides to pick her up and drive her back. She would be terribly hurt to think that Paula was nervous and there is no reason to have her feel that way. I try to imagine what it will be like in the same house with Betty and her repeated stories but as Bob quotes from the Bible; "Sufficient Unto The Day is the Evil Thereof."

I have been trying to track the clothes that Betty wears, to help us to help her pack for the trip north. Basically she has two pairs of capri's and two or three shirts that she wears. She usually packs three HUGE suitcases with clothes and we want to avoid that if at all possible. She still does laundry occasionally and seems to be able to figure the washer and dryer. It is funny how some things stick in her memory and others fall away.

Groceries...what a trip! She is looking for cereal, cookies and even candies that she ate 20 or more years ago. She looks at me as though I am from Mars when I suggest that she likes a certain kind of cereal that she "Never saw before!"

I am tired!

Too Exhausted

2010-09-21T21:49:00.000-04:00

I am looking at my blog realizing that I have neglected it for a week...

Today I have one thing to say...Betty has misplaced her jewelry. She doesn't have a lot but what she had was being carried in her bags in small rollup bags and today she has no idea where it is.

Hopefully it will turn up because she flies south on Thursday. I am thanking God she doesn't have a lot.

Mini Vacation

2010-09-14T17:46:00.000-04:00

Betty is spending almost a week at her niece's house so that has left Bob and me on a mini vacation, one that we desperately needed. I find myself so caught up in Alzheimer's World that at times I wonder if I am starting to lose myself.

We have not done anything special, just appreciated the quiet time to read and sit. It is amazing how different it is when she is here with us. I have always said that Betty is a "talker" and doesn't really spend a lot of time reading or watching television. This means that she expects to talk and go back and forth in conversation. Neither Bob or I are big talkers and most often find ourselves sitting across from each other reading or on the computer only occasionally sharing something we come across online or in a book. It is what we enjoy and I suppose one of the reasons we gravitated to each other. I am so content in the quiet with TV on in the background, or not.

When Betty is here she has just lately started to work in her crossword puzzle book while still "talking" during her search for the words that will fit into the boxes. Whether it is asking what a word means or the name of a person or better yet, mentioning that the pencil she is using is from a golf course she visited ten years ago. She is still deeply entrenched in the negative stories of her childhood. Well, negative about others. She is not negative about herself unless she brings it to the current, "I'm stupid" "I haven't lost my mind" or "I'm a dumby." Anytime she forgets something that she becomes aware of or anytime she reacts negatively to some helpful act of mine she comes back with the self put down. I tell her I don't want to hear her talk about herself like that.

We will be picking Betty up on Thursday this week and then she flies back home with Paula on the 23rd. We will have a brief reprieve and then head down on the 4th. of October. It feels overwhelming aready!!!! This is where I type, LOL and pretend I am laughing.

On Friday after Betty leaves we will be driving up to visit Josh, Annie, Caroline and Jackson. I will miss them so much while we are gone but will set up Skype again when we arrive. It is so good to see them while we chat. I love technology!!!! (and, exclamation points)

Miss Booey will have some more hotel time. She is a girl after my own heart. This time I am prepared with a small whisk broom so if she tracks litter I can clean it. She was humiliated during her last stay...

Miss Booey found her own bed at Microtel

This is what Miss Booey's travel cabin looks like. It is so comfy and safe.. with port holes so that she can look out. It also sits very high so that she can stand and watch the cars and trucks pass. This was well worth the money spent and we use it for any long rides.

Ten Tips for Communicating with an Alzheimer’s Patient

2010-09-06T11:14:00.005-04:00

Ten Tips for Communicating with an Alzheimer’s Patient

This morning I tried to upload a new post and it got lost and never saved. Believe it or not the title was; When Will I Learn To Zip My Lips?

It was about my communications with Betty and how before I know it I find myself mid-argument. I never really know how I get there but BAM! there I am. I need to pay closer attention and the Ten Tips above will certainly help. I dare say number 10 is..Do Not Argue..haaaaaaaa!!!
God bless the Alzheimer's Reading Room... AMEN!!!

Socialization

2010-09-02T14:50:00.000-04:00

Before I forget...
There have been two weddings in Betty's family this summer. Getting her to go was really hard and I had my doubts. Bob and I had plans so she knew she could not stay here and I think that helped. This week I saw two pictures of Betty on Facebook...
I love seeing that she had a great time. It may not happen too much longer because I know that at some point it may become too difficult for her to get out there and PARTAY! But this time, in the summer of 2010, she was having FUN!

Poor Betty FORCED onto the dance floor...LOL!

There she is..in the crowd having a ball!

Behind Door Number One

2010-09-02T09:59:00.001-04:00

Due to some change of plans we are picking Betty up late this afternoon rather than tomorrow afternoon. The so-called rest time is cut short and I already feel a bit miffed. This is not rational miffidness...LOL! It is silly and self-centered and selfish. Too bad! I feel it. I am miffed. LOL

Ok..got that off my chest. I went to the store to get the food that I need for the long week-end. Why I make a big deal about having Betty food is byond me. She doesn't remember that we had hot dogs and beans two weeks ago. Those were the old days. Now she has no memory of last week..ALL IS NEW.

So, unlike Price is Right I can offer Betty, Door number one, with hot dogs and Beans or Door number two, with Beans and Hot Dogs, or Door number Three with...Hot Dogs and Beans and she will be perfectly happy with it. She really has been easier to feed since this memory issue got worse. In the past she spent time at every meal explaining, same story over again, that she cooked this and that and worked and good meal on the table and.... Now it is not so much pressure. A good thing.

Trust me I still give her choices...especially for lunch because she still makes sure, through the "Dick asks me what I want," story, that she has choice. Still managing. So am I. We work it all out.

I like that there are clear days between the muddle fuddle. It feels less worrisome and it feels lighter.

So, why should I not Labor on Labor Day week-end? On with the show! What did I say was behind door number one?

Happy Birthday Caroline!

2010-09-01T08:25:00.002-04:00

Happy Birthday Caroline!
Gramma & Grampy Bob love you!

Birthday Girl...Princess Caroline

Jackson & Caroline

Annie & Caroline

Josh (my son) & Caroline

A Question of Rest

2010-08-31T21:04:00.001-04:00

Today is Tuesday, the day we take Betty to her niece's house for a couple days so that we can get some rest. I noticed on the ride there that she barely said a word. I assure you that Betty not speaking is like me not eating...ok what's wrong?

I reflected later, on the ride home, that Betty is acting out "the good girl" more and more. It seems apparent that the reason for this behavior is the need to feel safe and that she worries that if she is too much trouble we might not bother with her.

The problem with the dam short term memory loss is that even if I reassure her that we will be picking her up on Friday she forgets that info within minutes. No matter how much you try to give her information that should calm her fears it is in and out...poof.

What a cruel disease this is. Even writing down in a calendar that we will pick her up she can't recall the need to open a calendar. Even with Bob calling twice a day she can't hold the safe feeling. It is pathetic really.

It is like a baby not knowing if someone will come and feed it, its cries getting stronger and louder as it worries that food might not come. I hate this disease. I really do.

As for rest...do I seem to be resting?

Did I Say Authentic and Unafraid?

2010-08-29T16:15:00.000-04:00

I do think that when I wrote the title of this blog I must have been once again trying to be someone I have never been; brave.

When I was fifteen years old I got pregnant. I was a lost soul looking for love. As the song says, "Looking for love in all the wrong places." I had two alcoholic parents and a sister nine years my senior who was basically off at college by the time I reached ten. I'm not blaming my parents for anything that happened to me or making excuses for the stupid choices I made.
'

The one GOOD choice I made was to give birth to my daughter and keep her rather than do what was popular at the time, adoption. My daughter is a beautiful woman who has given me three wonderful grandsons.

Back in 1966 when I got pregnant the reaction was varied. Many parents sent their wayward daughters to "homes for pregnant girls" and some, like mine, made them a ward of the state. I was labeled a wayward child and put on "probation." I was sent to juvenile hall until I was nearly 7 months pregnant and then transferred to a state hospital where I worked in the kitchen until I gave birth.

Every day was a nightmare. I was afraid. I was alone. I had disappointed my parents, embarrassed them, and while I should have been entering my first year of high school I was locked away with other girls who had somehow broken the law. Juvenile hall was a scary place where there were very tough girls, many from the city. I was totally out of my element. These were girls who were there for knifing someone or for robbery. I arrived from my all white suburban town into a place where 9o% of the girls were black and 85% older than me. There was a bunk bed in the locked room with a small square screened glass window on the door and a window high up with bars. Maybe there was a bureau but I don't remember it. I seem to recall that all pens, combs etc. were kept in a common area not in your room. I remember that they checked your body in a personal way to find out if you had things you should not have. I remember the black girls treating their hair; a burning smell I had never experienced. I learned that if you were nice enough or quiet enough or looked down enough, you were left alone. Mostly.

When I was transferred to the state hospital I was surprised to see so many other pregnant girls and women. Some younger and a few older women all pregnant at different stages. My third day there, a girl was slashed across her back. It turned out she came from my hometown although I did not know her before we arrived at this nightmare together. Razor blades? Slashing someones back? This was where I was going to be until my baby came? I was so afraid.

Every day we were to go to "our" floor of the state hospital and take care of food trays. pass them out, feed people, wash them when done. I was in the hospital for months. As my belly grew I kept my resolve to keep my baby but as each day passed I wondered how that would happen.

While I was in the state hospital they sent me down for a teeth check and before I knew it my teeth had been pulled. Every tooth in my 15 year old mouth, PULLED. They put top dentures in but left me with no bottom teeth. Fifteen years old and I had NO teeth. There I was, pregnant, toothless and alone. It was my nightmare.

I must stop here... I want to fast forward to me now. I am 59 years old. I still had the dentures that I was fitted with back in 1966. I was able to get lower dentures and a new upper plate in 1969 but kept the upper from 1966 just in case. Just in case happened on Saturday. I was driving to Walmart when my front tooth broke out of the denture. I turned around and drove home and dug up the old 1966 plate that was hidden away, just in case. I slipped the ill-fitting dentures in my mouth after a bit of poli-grip and there I found myself looking in the mirror. These dentures are worn away..Lord knows they were probably the least expensive method the state hospital could produce. The back teeth are worn to the plastic gum and the front are very small from wear. But, they are teeth. I need teeth.

They hurt. Much like most of my life. My teeth are like me. Ill-fitting. Worn. Tired. I am ashamed of my teeth and I am ashamed to say that I have had the opportunity to change them, buy new, but hesitated because people would see me with new big teeth. I did show my husband my broken teeth and he did what I expected, chastised me for not doing something a long time ago.

These are my tears...this is my hurt. I have a feeling I don't really know how to live any other way. I will count my blessings...that always lifts me. And, I will call a dentist, on Monday. I promise to post my new smile. Authentic...Real...and Unafraid.

Repeating

2010-08-29T13:06:00.000-04:00

Well, I am here to tell you, "Thank You" can be overdone. I counted the newest REPEAT phrase, "Thank You," TWENTY-SIX times...for breakfast. Am I complaining? I guess in a way I am..but not totally. What I am thinking is, it doesn't matter what words are repeated, it is the constant over and over and over words that drive caregivers to distraction.

It all started last week-end but I just barely noticed. Yesterday my head almost exploded by the time I served dessert. Over and over the phrase goes, "Thank you." Twenty-six for breakfast, twenty for a cup of yogurt, twenty or more for dinner...then comes dessert. You would think I could be glad for Betty's polite nature. Instead I am overwhelmed with the words. I feel like each time she says it if I say, "Your Welcome" in a different tone or in a different way...maybe it will stop.

It goes on. "Thank You" has taken the place of some of the repeated stories so I guess my advice is; Be Careful What You Wish For! I am just a bit sad as I write this. There is something so sad about the way she is thanking me. It seems fearful in a way. Possibly she is afraid if she doesn't "behave," be the GOOD girl, be polite, we might not want her here. She has said more than once, in a child-like voice, "I'll be good."

Constant reassurance that she will not be tossed away... help me to be charitable and help me to seek ways to calm her fearfulness. And, God, help me to be patient with the repeating.

Please.

Restoring Honor

2010-08-28T22:15:00.001-04:00

Today was the Restoring Honor rally on the National Mall and as I watched I was so moved by the speakers and by the sentiments shared. I do believe that we need to return to God and He will provide for our every need.

I am saddened by the division in our country. I am sad that a speaker like Alveda King cannot speak at a rally put on by Glenn Beck without having her name smeared by some in the black community.

I am sad that there are people who will say and write terrible things about the rally just because of Glenn Beck.

I am sad that those who preach to me that I must be tolerant are most often the farthest from being tolerant people themselves.

And yet, I am FILLED with hope as I see the numbers of people who traveled to WA to stand in solidarity to support the idea that our nation needs to return to God. I am thrilled that Glenn Becks appeals for no political signs was honored.

God Bless America. God Bless Alveda King, Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck, his staff, the clergy, the soldiers. God bless us all.

Please give; http://www.specialops.org/

Miss Booey watching Glenn Beck at the Kennedy Center on the night before the Restoring Honor Rally!

John Harvard's Brew House

2010-08-25T10:08:00.001-04:00

There is something to be said for spending time alone with your spouse! Yesterday after we dropped his mom at her niece's, we stopped at this great place called John Harvard's Brew House.
John Harvard's Brew House
The plan was that we would get a SAMPLER which consists of five of their brews on a little paddle and maybe an appetizer. We ended up with the samplers and then each got Buffalo Chicken Quesadilla's. YUM! The five beers were; Gold, Pale, IPA, Belgian Wit (Mmmm!) and Stout. They wera all superb but I must say the IPA and the Belgian Wit were outstanding!!
It was a wonderful time.

As always we had to de-compress after Betty's time with us. We sit and go over what changes we had noticed and what surprises we had noticed too! Things that she will sometimes remember continues to amaze!! We need that time to just unload. It helps somehow to get rid of frustrations and to garner all the little joys either has noticed. We need those!

Her ankle swelling and redness seems to get better every day. I have no idea what it is but with occasional soaking and ice and heat.. I sure hope it is NORMAL before she heads back to Florida.
She continues to be a bit emotional and also defensive so we work on our communication skills! I look forward to her seeing a neurologist when we are all back in Florida.

I did find her little purple pill container today, under the couch. I dare say it was a gift from God that it got lost when it did. It allowed us to move her into the AM/PM pill box so that she can now take her pills with a lot less confusion. So, today I say, "Thank You God for the intervention of LOSING the purple box!" We never could have gotten her off that alone!! Amen!

Off to hide the purple box...

PILLS

2010-08-21T18:34:00.000-04:00

I am here to tell you that I just have NO idea how to communicate about pills with Betty. She was given some antibiotics last Thursday, 40 pills to last 10 days and was missing 4 by the time she arrived yesterday.

That means that she took 4 extra...I assume spaced out over hours. When asked there is immediate denial. Her first response was, "You did not give them to me." Then it became everything from being shortchanged to a Martian took them.

The second you ask about something she goes DEFENSIVE and EXCUSE laden. There is never an Oh Crap I took too many too few too too...... I have NO clue as to how to talk to her about the medication. I am at a loss. I give the bottles of vitamins to her at the table with a.m. and p.m. separated. I put the morning pill bottle on one side and the evening on the other. I watch and triple check as she fills the container. Then, when she takes too many...she says that I filled them I must have made a mistake.

What the heck to do? I suppose only one of us can pout and it is not me!

What Are The Housing Options?

2010-08-20T08:45:00.000-04:00

We really need to sit and write down the housing options for Betty. As Bob was talking on the phone to his sister I realized that there are so many things to consider and the only one who REALY KNOWS what they want is...Betty. Her goal is to be near Bob. Wherever that may be, she wants to be near him. For newly retired Bob he has these dreams of travel to decide where he would like to spend the rest of his life so he is wondering where those dreams fit in. For his sister, she doesn't drive so she is thinking that Florida is too far away and even up here close to Bob is not near an airport where she can visit. Plus, any housing near her in New York, would be too costly.

For me... arghhh! I am a martyr so I probably would do whatever they decide and maybe whine about it later.

There are options..
   Aging in place..BUT the house is getting to be too much.
   Continuing Care place.. COST!
   Senior Housing.. How long could she stay there on her own?
   Assisted Living...Again, COST and she really is not quite there anyway.

None of it is easy..that is for sure. We need to get on it. I think I will call this morning and make the appointment at Emeritis. Maybe just a tour will let us all know if it is out of her price range.

Alzheimer’s Disease: Signs, Symptoms, and Stages of Alzheimer’s

2010-08-19T13:57:00.000-04:00

Alzheimer’s Disease: Signs, Symptoms, and Stages of Alzheimer’s

Lesson Learned

2010-08-19T09:11:00.001-04:00

We were able to get Betty to a walk-in clinic on Tuesday to have her foot and ankle looked at. They did an x-ray and examined it and seemed to come up with three possibilities.
   One; She broke her toe.
   Two; She has cellulitis.
   Three; She has gout.
The x-ray showed a little line on her big toe but she has lines on all her toes from arthritis.   Cellulitis can come from an injury and she had that. She refused the blood test for gout because she refuses to have gout. LOL!

Here is where the lesson comes in. When asked if she was allergic to any medications, Betty responded, "No." I mentioned that she is allergic to fruits due to the spray. Suddenly I realized that I had no idea if Betty was allergic to any medications. I realize I have no idea what procedures she has had. I am in the dark sitting there.

I used my cell and called her primary care doctor in Florida. Luckily we had Betty sign the forms in Florida so that her doctor can talk to us. I explained that we were at a clinic and that the doctor had mentioned giving Betty antibiotics. I needed to know if she is allergic to medications. They took my number and told me that they would bring her files to the doctor and then get back to me, which they did in about ten minutes. I was a bit surprised when they came back and said that she did indeed have some allergies... Percocet, steroids, and something called stalol. (Note to self; list those at Walgreen's)

We left the clinic with a prescription for an antibiotic and Betty in a flat hard bottom velcro shoe. They said they would call tomorrow after the radiologist got a chance to look at the film. We then drove Betty to her niece's house where she would spend a few days in a one story house...unlike ours.   I stopped at Walgreen's and got her pills and also an ice pack so that she can wrap it to keep the swelling down.

When we arrive at home the telephone rings and it is the clinic asking for Betty. Of course I say she isn't here and they say, "Of course we can only talk to her." ARGHHH! So I say that she is not here and I will have her get back to them...and ask if it is drastic such as her whole foot is broken. The woman said that it wasn't and that she could get back to them. She mentioned that a podiatrist would be calling.

I am so mad at myself for not having Betty tell them to give us the information. I forget about this HIPPA thing that prevents them from talking to anyone but the patient. Lesson learned, every time we go to a doctor or clinic we need to go through the process of Betty giving them permission to speak to us. I am wondering if there is a way to get "permanent" permission.

To top it off the podiatrist called and wanted to set up an appointment for September 23rd. the day Betty is flying back to Florida. Oy Vey! I guess the whole thing is not all that important if the appointment is that far off. LOL!

I am just hoping that the foot heals soon so that it doesn't turn out to be...GOUT! LOL!!!

All in all the clinic was a great place...wonderful people working there.

Ready Med Clinic Massachusetts

Thank God for Books!

2010-08-15T14:45:00.000-04:00

I think I have mentioned that I am addicted to books and have PILES of them everywhere. Luckily Bob has the same addiction so we can't complain about each others piles.

I am a fan of mysteries and found one I really like; Leave No Stone Unturned by Jeanne Glidewell. I had never really paid attention to the term, Cozy Mystery, until I saw it in the acknowledgments in Ms. Glidewells book.
So, the I went online, and found a GREAT SITE...

Cozy Mystery

I was really glad to read that another book is in the works by the same author. One thing I love is a series...especially when there is a hero or heroine I connect with.

I have favorites; Julia Spencer-Fleming, Nancy Bell and now I just love Lexie Starr..in Leave No Stone Unturned.

I was realizing last night that my favorite "Take Me Away Calgon Bouquet" is, reading mysteries. I usually read two books at a time. I just finished Scent of Danger by Doranna Durgin at the same time I read, Shiver by Lisa Jackson. One would be a COZY and one NOT! Now I am reading, the cozy, Leave No Stone Unturned and the NOT so cozy, Merciless by Richard Montanari.

I am pretty sure that I read two opposite types at a time so as not to ever confuse what I am reading. Since I basically only use two stories of the four possible, I have a book available at all times on either level!

My mother passed on the love of reading....I am so glad I have done the same. Now, my children are passing it on to my grandchildren. How wonderful!

What Happens To Me?

2010-08-14T19:28:00.001-04:00

I am so angry at myself. I think my blood pressure is HIGH and I am feeling ill after eating what should have been, delicious pizza. We could chalk it up to the second glass of wine but isn't that supposed to calm you? LOL...Haaaaaaa! I am laughing inside and a little out. I have headphones on pretending I am listening to some funny podcast but really I am listening to the PIZZA conversation over and over and over! HA!!!

Here is what happened. I ordered three pizza's from Papa Gino's, our favorite pizza up here in the Northeast. One was called; Rustic with Chicken, Roasted Garlic, Chunks of tomato, Asiago cheese. One was a small Onion. The third was covered with; Meatball, green peppers, onions and black olives with cheese.

I dished out two pieces to Betty, one with just Asiago Cheese on the crust and one with the Meatball, green pepper, black olive, onion and cheese. After she had eaten all but the crust she informed us that she would have liked something ON her pizza. I asked her what she meant, and explained I had given her one with all the stuff on it. She said, NOTHING AT ALL was on my pizza. NOTHING. LOL So, I said...what? Of course I did not give you NOTHING on it...we did not get pizza with NOTHING.

It was at that moment, when Betty repeated that she had NOTHING that I FORGOT Alzheimer's World and stayed in REAL WORLD...arguing my point. She then started picking olives off of the pizza that was sitting in front of her in the box. Took most of the olives off a piece and continued to say she KNOWS what Meatballs taste like and she had NONE. She KNOWS what black olives are and she had NONE. I am looking at her like she is from Mars...forgetting that the MARTIAN here is really, ME!

Bob looks over and makes the drinking motion...attributing my arguing to my second glass of wine. I then say.."I am NOT being the SERVER anymore." This is NOT the first time I have been accused of the short change. I'd like to add here that it was MY $47.00 that paid for these three pizza's from HELL! HAAAAAAA!!! So, I got up from the table, poured 2/3 of a perfectly good wine down the sink and RAN from the table where NOTHING was served to my mother-in-law Betty. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! I am really laughing now. Tears. Bob DeMarco. Bob DeMarco. Bob DeMarco. He is so good at this Alzheimer's World and I have failed yet again. Sometimes I can just say Bob DeMarco out loud and I can stop falling into the trap of arguing but NOT when it comes to what I feed Betty. It seems that I can have all my buttons pushed then. I really DO try to get her all she needs and more so when I hear her say she got NOTHING...ARGHHH!

Oh My! I feel as though I have failed another challenge. I have Betty, her swollen ankle, her bruised arm and she thinks I hold back and don't feed her. Tomorrow is another day. Thank you Lord for that. (God willing!)

PS...Bob DeMarco is found here...and he is a marvel!

You Fell?

2010-08-13T14:15:00.000-04:00

If not for bruising I have no doubt we would know NOTHING about falling mothers. Even WITH the bruising I am not sure we know about "the fall." One minute the story goes that she banged her ankle after she took a shower and was in a different bathroom. Next she hit her ankle as she was getting off the toilet. Then, she was NOT getting off the toilet, she turned quickly and banged her ankle somewhere.

When I asked last night how she got the bruise on her arm she told me she banged it. When she woke up today it bacame part of "the fall" story. The ankle is not bruised but it is swollen a bit and red so originally she attributed the soreness to banging it. Now, hours into this...it was a fall.

Luckily down at her niece's home they have a walk in shower, in their room, and gladly encourage Betty to shower in there. We have the traditional bathtub set up here and no real rail to hang onto. You know me...nervous nelly, so when she showered here I was a wreck! Yet somehow, even with a walk in she has hurt her ankle and bruised her arm. Not in their bathroom...in the one she uses.

How? When? What happened? Did she actually fall down? Was anyone home? Were her feet wet? How? She doesn't really seem to know...it seems to be one of the "stories" she puts together with what she has to work with. In this case; bruised arm and sore ankle.

One thing is sure...she HATES the third degree as most of us do so when she is asked questions...she finally clams up and just gives you, "the look!" We'll just ice her up and keep her off it as best we can. Most of all we will try to keep her on her feet...especially on these stairs.

Did I mention I am a, NERVOUS NELLY?

Never Put Off Til Tomorrow What You Can Put Off Til The Week After Next!

2010-08-11T19:50:00.001-04:00

Procrastination is my middle name and, imagine this, it is Bob's middle name as well. We waited until the very last minute in Florida to consult with Betty's doctor to have her tested. Now we are waiting until the summer is nearly over and we have not gone to even one of the housing options on our list! She heads back to Florida in mid September and we have done nothing.

There is a Continuing Care Center here in our town, very close, and all we need to do is make an appointment. At least Betty could get an idea what these places have to offer.

Emeritus At Eddy Pond

Betty just can't live in her own home much longer. There is so much responsibility and she gets terribly stressed out. Lawns, bugs, cleaning, shopping...arghh!

Tonight I vow to light a fire under us and get an appointment made.

Old-Fashioned Spaghetti & Meatballs Recipe at Cooking.com

2010-08-11T12:59:00.000-04:00

Old-Fashioned Spaghetti & Meatballs Recipe at Cooking.com

Just Resting

2010-08-09T12:50:00.000-04:00

I have come to cherish the hours of rest we get when Betty is not here with us. How is it possible that we can tire so quickly? It is not as though we are "old" but boy I get tired out fast. The incessant repeated questions, being on the ball so as to "say the right thing in the right way," keeping track of refilling my medicines and hers, being quiet so that she can sleep until at least 9:30 and choosing foods that she can chew without complaint. All of this is draining for me.

Since dropping her off at her niece's house on Thursday I have felt a slow rejuvenation and a lifting of spirit. It isn't that I don't want Betty here, it is that I want to have the strength and fortitude to have her here in peace. Less arguments is a "good thing." Two grown people acting like two year old spoiled children would be the way I describe us when we are tired. Our expectations become HUGE and we seem to forget that Betty is still Betty, only different.

We have two and a half more days before we pick Betty up for another stay with us. Time to vacuum and wash her sheets. Time to prepare menu's that are appropriate for Betty. Time to watch some of our recorded Glenn Beck shows so that we can truly listen. Time to let the cat sleep on the couch. Time to just sit quietly together, no questions asked.

Time to rest.

Support for Alzheimer's and Dementia Caregivers

2010-08-08T13:03:00.000-04:00

Support for Alzheimer's and Dementia Caregivers

I have been wandering around looking for helpful articles.

Sensitive Beyond Belief

2010-08-06T12:20:00.000-04:00

Yet another episode of Betty being upset by, "how Bob talked to me" and no real explanation as to what was said. This is becoming more and more frequent and I wonder if it will get even worse. So far it is mostly Bob, her son. She has not had as much trouble with me and what I say. As a witness to what Bob said this morning I knew that his tone was fine and what he said has fine, to us, in Real World. The rocky road this behavior puts us on seems untenable. We wonder how to talk to Betty in a way that will be acceptable, when it is not possible to agree with EVERYTHING she says or when advising her, per her request, about something.

I understand on one level that Alzheimer's World is a different place than Real World. When I sit here and write down what has transpired it all seems somewhat clear but I would be kidding myself to think I am even slightly on top of things.

We have tried the small notebook that she is encouraged to carry in her purse to write down EVERYTHING people tell her or appointments or whatever she wants to recall. She has misplaced it. When we asked her about it she goes into the customary excuse mode; I took it out it was heavy, I had to move it and did not put it back, I packed it into my other bag. NEVER does she say I misplaced it. I suppose an admission like that would mean she admits memory loss.

Then there is the calendar with space to journal or keep track of what she ate or where she went, etc. She talks about it and gets upset when she doesn't use it but when reminded about it...excuse mode.

Learning to communicate in Alzheimer's World seems more difficult than learning a foreign language. At least with a foreign language words always mean the same thing, they are not ever-changing.

I am realizing that it is NOT just Bob's tone of voice that makes Betty sensitive. It is whether he agrees with her, whether he answers with the same pre-
conceived answer she expects, whether she stops talking long enough to hear him. That in itself is a problem because by the time he finally gets through to her, when she stops talking, he is practically shouting. Phone calls can be the hardest.

She claimed today that Bob gave her "the third degree" when she asked yet again for the phone number. In reality, what he said was, "It is in the purple book on the front cover and in the small notebook, front cover." He told her he did not have the number handy and could not remember it, and said that he would call her back with the number if she wasn't able to find it. All that sounds reasonable here in Real World. But, when I called her back an hour later, she went into how upset Bob made her, the way he gave her the third degree. When I said that Bob did not have the number handy at the time and that I was calling to give it to her, she changed the story to be that it was "OTHER THINGS" he had said.

Note to myself....there is NO REASONING in Alzheimer's World.

Bob & Betty

All Is New

2010-08-05T15:16:00.001-04:00

Yesterday before breakfast Betty was helping to set the table. We all drink our coffee black, no cream no sugar. Probably at one point all of us added something, cream or sugar, but not for many years. Betty asked for the sugar bowl and a spoon and Bob said, "You don't use sugar, Mom." He said it in a rather matter of fact way... more or less in passing. She said, "Of course I do!"

For me it was nothing unusual. I call episodes like this, ALL IS NEW. Bob still has difficulty understanding that his mother truly forgets these things. He still wonders if it is attention getting behavior because of the
narcissism we are convinced she has lived with most of her life. I don't think it is...I think all things can be new for her at any given moment.

We can go to a restaurant that we visit once a week and she will act as though she has never had a particular menu item before or has not had it in YEARS! She can watch TV and shows she has seen are new to her every week. Only those things that happened YEARS ago are left in her memory.

Sure, some days she is as sharp as a tack. But, most days she needs to ask over and over what day it is.

Yesterday was not a good day for Betty.

She came downstairs and sat with me at the table. I was busy on the computer and so at first didn't notice that she was upset. Finally she got my attention and started asking questions about the wedding she is going to attend with her niece tomorrow. She just couldn't get the days straight and could not find her notes where she had written down the info. She suddenly realized that she doesn't take sugar in her coffee and she was upset with herself for being forgetful and not using the calendar I had provided for her to keep track.

She started to cry and call herself stupid and as I tried to explain that people forget and that she was doing OK she started to say she had only noticed that her memory was gone since she came north for the summer. I agreed with her that at her house she had a system that was working for her and that things were certainly more confusing for her here. We talked about 20 minutes; she cried, she laughed, she got her calendar and wrote down the info she needed. It is sad to see that she is starting to realize how profound her memory loss is. Sometimes I think it would be best if she didn't know at all.

For as long as I can remember Betty has repeated stories, verbatim. I had mentioned this 10 years ago after meeting her. No one thought it strange which makes me wonder how long this has gone on. I wonder how much the writing down details of her day, times, people she spoke to, what they said... how much of that was a sign of things to come? It was not journaling in a normal way, by the time I met her...it was different.

ALL IS NEW. In some ways I suppose that can be exciting. In other ways it must be terribly frightening. I guess our goal needs to be to make her feel safe and secure. I hope we continue to learn from Bob DeMarco and others who are on, or have been on, this journey

Do visit; Alzheimer's Reading Room

Cooks.com - Recipe - Oven - Fried Chicken Thighs

2010-08-03T17:39:00.000-04:00

Cooks.com - Recipe - Oven - Fried Chicken Thighs

Tonight this will be dinner!

Those Sudden Mood Changes

2010-08-02T21:39:00.001-04:00

We are beginning to see more mood changes and it takes us aback every time it happens because there never seems to be a consistent trigger. Yesterday Betty told Bob that he had upset her when she spoke to him in the morning. She said that she was getting the feeling that Bob was angry at her and that it had upset her a great deal. Since Bob had not really done anything out f the ordinary we were left trying to figure out what it was he had said on the morning call that had set her off.

The one thing that happened was that Bob had told Betty we would pick her up on Monday at about three. So during her multiple repeated statements she mentioned, "So, you will be here to pick me up later?" Bob said, "What day?" She hesitated a second then said..."No, Monday." That was the only time anything was said.

So Bob mentioned to her that he was not sure what she was talking about and suggested that she write down when something bothered her so that she could recall exactly what had bothered her.

The moods can go from angry to sad to needy so fast that it is sometimes difficult to keep up. One of her favorite things to say now is, "I've been a good girl." Or... "I behaved myself." I am pretty sure that this is part of the whole mood thing. Since much of her repeated conversations revolve around her father I wonder if Bob is the replacement father?

Parenting

2010-08-01T16:13:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was spent babysitting while my son and his wife went to a wedding he was officiating. I am pretty sure it has been YEARS since Bob was with a toddler, if ever! I really think he enjoyed observing their behavior. Caroline will be three and Jack just turned one yet Jack is bigger than Caroline!

They were so well-behaved and I hope they had as much fun as we did. We had brought a little princess tent for Caroline and she just loved it. In and out over and over. The funny part was that Jack forgot to duck when he came out so he contantly smacked his head...halfway up his face. Then, being a little bruiser, he would lean on the side and tip the tent over causing Caroline to shriek, "Jack!"

We got the tent from JC Penney but it is very similar to these. They can be used inside and out so she wanted to take it outside...maybe Daddy will do that for her?

I have so much admiration for young parents especially these days when most women are working a full-time job. How on earth do they do it? I was so exhausted I fell aslep at nine o'clock and could have slept til ten! To top it off Jack was supposed to be trying to drink whole milk from a cup. This is one stubborn boy and I am here to tell you, the battle was won by Jack! Mom and dad decided to let him go at the transition slowly and today he was one happy camper. Smart decision on their part because Jack was really holding on tight to his time-table and he was NOT budging!

Aren't they the cutest?

Piles, Piles And More Piles

2010-07-26T14:42:00.000-04:00

First of all let's be clear; ...BOTH Bob and I are pack rats and on a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being the most severely disabled by PILES of STUFF we are a 6. Trust me, that is an honest assessment. My daughter-in-law who is stuck with one of my pile loving sons might give us a 9, but only if she has not watched the HOARDERS show. Once you have watched that show, our expertise in the fine art of hoarding, loses the high score!

Here is what we PILE; (I prefer pile to HOARD)
     Books...as I stated in an earlier post we LOVE books. Content, smell, look, feel...we love books. I wish they were more organized but without wall to wall bookcases we have them stacked. As I said I do have a 36" stack of Diet Books. Annie would say get rid of them and you will lose 50 pounds in a matter of minutes!
     Clothes... I have them from size 12 to size 26. I have not been a size 12 in that many years but I keep the eternal hope that I will get back there. Hence the 36" stack of Diet Books. Bob has an entire closet of shirts. A whole closet filled with tee shirts mostly. I bet there are some there from his childhood! He also stacks his dirty clothes so that you are never sure what is dirty and what is clean. I stack my folded clothes too because I have no bureau to shove them into.
      Blankets... Why do I have so many quilts? I have at least 8 inside those squeeze out the air til you get pancake quilts and I don't want to open them because then you have to suck all of the air out again. I might have bought one new one to avoid having to open one of those pancake making bags!
      Magazines... Oh LORD! For Bob the magazines are Golfing mag's for me...arghhh! Cooking, Paper Crafts, Crafts, Yankee and a few Martha Stewart. Do you see the contradiction with that one? Martha Stewart would body slam me if she saw my piles and lack of organization.
      Rubber Stamps... Can you say..2,000? I have at least that many but then...who's counting? I have them stacked in drawers and stacked in CD cases. I can never remember what stamps I have and even though I started an image book while in an organization mood one day, I never keep it up to date. As a matter of fact, where is that thing?
      Craft supplies... Seriously...I have every craft known to man. I could take up knitting, quilting, stamping, art, jewelry making or wood burning at the drop of a hat. I even have the magazines, see above, to give me the directions to do any of the crafts listed.
      Scrap Book Supplies...I could have listed this under crafts BUT...there are so many items involved. Stickers, Scrapbooks, paper, the photographs, the cameras, more paper, how-to books. Yikes!
     Duraflame logs next to the fireplace which we use almost never. I think if I check in the cellar there is a case of those silly logs!
     Plastic spoons, knives and forks. Listen, this is NOT my "thing." Bob seems to collect them and has them from the last 30 years. Light blue ones...who has those?
      Material...TONS of material for my someday quilts. All washed and all ironed. I love the feel and colors! Who needs a quilt when you have all those piles?
      So, then there is my adorable daughter-in-law who looks around at my piles and fears for the future! She knows that her hubby has tendencies and she now has two children with the same genes...she is SCARED! Whenever she comes over she looks at our piles and I am sure she says a silent prayer that the "disorder" will skip a generation. She is too polite to mention it unless I bring it up. Last time she was here she was thrilled to see that we hadn't had enough time to accrue any really BIG piles since we had arrived home from Florida. I can't help but smile when I think of the bags Bob had stuffed things in every time they are coming over. Haaaaaa!!!! I bet he has one from every visit they have ever made.
      Do I really want a cure for this pile problem? I am not sure I do. I love my "stuff" and it brings me great pleasure. I would like to have it organized though, in case Martha should ever visit, and I do want Bob to get to the point where he at least tosses JUNK MAIL. See, we have goals...small and attainable.   Someday.

Miss Boo finds a place between the piles!

Not Always As It Seems

2010-07-25T14:16:00.001-04:00

Just wanted to make note of the pill story. Last night Betty said that she needed to do the pill container after Sunday. So I said, "Well, you don't have any for Sunday in there." She said that she has Sunday in the container, that I had written a note and she had filled Sunday. I said that the note had said they should go into Saturday. She got a bit huffy and said, "No, you said, Sunday." What I had actually written was, these pills should go into Saturday after Sunday is empty. The reason being, she went on a Saturday and came home on a Saturday so it would have been too confusing to put Saturday in there and have the daily Saturday filled as well.

I decided not to argue the issue and although I figured she must have missed an entire day of pills, I decided that without Aricept in her repertoire... there was less reason to be concerned.

Today she came down with her empty pill container and announced she needed her pills for the rest of the week. So, Sunday was indeed empty and there was little to worry about.

When it comes to having information exactly straight it will serve me better to just check the situation out before I get my panties in a jumble.

I do feel there is slightly less CONFUSION without that Aricept.

Grandchildren

2010-07-25T09:52:00.002-04:00

Grandchildren...how wonderful!

Jim's Art

Joe and Tom

Jim the Artist

All's Swell

2010-07-24T17:56:00.001-04:00

I am so glad that Betty's ferry trip home went well. No snags at all. So, as I said, I needed to let go and stop being so anxious because all was fine. Pat called just as Bob was grabbing Betty's luggage from one of the crew. She was checking to make sure all was well and it was!

It was interesting when Betty got back here she asked if everything was ok? I said there was no problem and asked what she meant? Then she went upstairs and came back down and said, in a very firm voice, "I'm sorry but I think something is wrong. Since I got back I notice something is wrong. Did Pat say anything to you? I didn't do anything wrong." I just said that I was not sure why she was feeling that way but that nothing was wrong. Tried to reassure her and then Bob came down and said, "Mom, I didn't give you an official welcome home." That seemed to cheer her up and she let the "feelings" go that something was wrong. I think she was feeling that Pat had said something to us about her week and she couldn't seem to accept that Pat and I had not really talked.

We have already played a game of cards and until eight cards Betty does really well. Starting at eight cards she counts over and over but even with it taking a bit long she can still play and sometimes...like today...she WINS!

We will get settled in and start a new week. I am feeling good about the lesson of; Letting Go.

Alzheimer's Caregiver Learning From Respite

2010-07-22T12:27:00.000-04:00

How interesting that after I posted to my blog MY need to LET GO, I get this post by Pamela Kelley on Alzheimer's Reading Room.
Great read.

Alzheimer's Caregiver Learning From Respite

Let Go

2010-07-22T11:47:00.001-04:00

I seriously must let go of the control issues I have about watching over Betty. When she called Bob last night, one of the things she mentioned was, coming back on the ferry alone. She says, "Pat doesn't have to come over with me..I will just get my suitcase up there and find a seat like always." Well, aside from the fact that she has two bags, there is always the issue of...what if Bob and I are delayed getting her from the ferry? There are a few "what if's"; car breaks down, an accident, traffic. She would arrive and have her bags brought off the ferry and plunked wherever. Then she would be wondering where we are..are we in the parking lot? Did we forget? Are we delayed? Was there an accident? Were we hurt? These are the things that this woman thinks about when we are in our beds and she is calling before breakfast so I am sure she would be able to get pretty worked up.

Is it just me? I am the one who gets literally sick over this. I worry, my stomach juices flow, I get pain...blah blah blah. I thought the arrangements were made. We would go over with her and her daughter would come back with her. The game would be played. We would tell Betty that we were excited about going over. Pat would tell Betty that her husband would be on a bike ride and a ferry trip would be fun. Do I have to call Pat and ask her if the plans are the same or is she bending to her mother's proclamation that "she will be ok alone?"

I suppose this sounds terribly controlling. I know it does to my husband. I was a Girl Scout and I grew up to be a leader and a Boy Scout leader. "Be Prepared" I am one who likes to think through things and try to avoid problems. You could say that in doing so I cause my own upset stomach but I would say that if you go along with my fail-safe measures...no stomach problems!

So, today I will work on Letting Go. Maybe I should recite that Serenity Prayer over and over.

              God grant me the serenity
              to accept the things I cannot change;
              courage to change the things I can;
              and wisdom to know the difference.

Bob Betty Pat

Moving Aging Parents

2010-07-21T16:31:00.001-04:00

I was searching for a book that might help us with our decisions about Bob's mom. I think that this one by Nancy Wesson looks good.

Then I came across one that I think will be even more important..at least to Betty!

Journaling

2010-07-21T13:33:00.000-04:00

Last night while talking to my son I suggested he start a blog. I have kept a journal for many years and have most of them still...except for the one my mother threw away from my teen years. Gosh I wish I had that one! LOL (Maybe not so much)

It is so beneficial to be able to go back to my struggles up hill and down and read where I was and what I was thinking. I realize as I write about our struggles with Bob's mom that I am putting myself "out there" and I hope that by writing it all down I am able to help myself and maybe help others with their journey.

I have collected books about writing and journaling for years. Some of my favorites are;
Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life
Creative Wildfire: An Introduction to Art Journaling - Basics and Beyond
Writing to Save Your Life: How to Honor Your Story Through Journaling
Journal Sparks 2: 300 More Questions To Journal About

And then there is my favorite Diarist, May Sarton. When I read A Journal of Solitude for the first of many times, I felt a sense of peace flow over me as Ms. Sarton talked about her need to spend time alone.

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Ad's

2010-07-20T19:36:00.002-04:00

I am going to use Amazon Associates on my site because since I often recommend books I may as well have the ad link. What do you think? Is it too annoying?

The couple of topics I would choose are; Alzheimer's and Papercrafts.

Time Off

2010-07-20T18:39:00.003-04:00

This week Betty is visiting Bob's sister so we have some time off. It really sounds awful when I read what I write and hear myself whining about being tired. When we dropped her off we came home and slept, him on the couch and me on the floor. The exhaustion is palpable and we are on our third "free" day still yawning and tired.

So far we have gone out to eat breakfast yesterday and today had a wonderful lunch at one of our favorite Thai restaurants. It was heavenly! I truly appreciated time with my husband not having to worry about anything except deciding upon lunch.

It seems to me that the need to rest is one of the most important aspects of dealing with/caring for someone with memory issues. You always need to be on the ball and ready to enter into their world rather than trying to drag them back to yours because as I read on; http://alzheimersreadingroom.com "you might as well bang your head on the wall" to try to do anything else.

We have been talking about what we need to do for the future. What kind of people can't be the caregivers full-time? Are we awful? How can we deal with it in a loving way? I listen to Bob's cousin talk about BOTH of her parents having health problems and she has them at their home and does so much after working a long day and on week-ends. She is wearing herself out and I am not sure her mother can survive the stress of having Parkinson's and being part of the care team who watches over her husband who has Alzheimer's. I wonder if it would not have been better for them both if they had somehow moved them long ago into some sort of senior housing rather than keeping them in their house. (Not that ANY of that is my business!)

I wonder what will be best for Betty? If she is in her own home she will still be worrying about the care of the home; lawn, pest control...the list goes on. If there were no worries she might even manufacture them! Housing is so darn costly. I am spending my rest time worrying aren't I? LOL! Enough of that! But, do you see how easy it is for me to get wrapped up in all of that mess? Whoa!

From Diet Books to Alzheimer's Books

2010-07-16T08:37:00.004-04:00

I am addicted to books and they are piled in my living room against the wall, stacked in bookcases on all four floors. I have a pile of Diet books that would put any library to shame. Eat More, Weigh Less, The Best Life Diet, Ab's Diet, The Dieter's Prayer Book...you name it and I have it. Clearly hope lies deep within.

Now I am on a new path..Alzheimer's World. What a world! Yesterday I opened my latest shipment from Amazon.com; I Can Remember: A Daily Journal for People With Memory Problems

This is a great possibility if I can get Betty to use it!

The layout is similar to a workbook. There are two pages for each day beginning with; Today is... (day of week) (month) (date) (year)

What's the weather today? (Circle one) Followed by pictures of a sun, partly cloudy, cloudy, rain and snow

What did I do this morning? Then you give yes or no answers to a few questions such as; Go to bathroom, brush teeth, wash face, shower, get dressed, read the paper, take my pills

What did I have for breakfast?

What are my plans for today?

What did I have for lunch?

Whom did I see or talk to today?

What did I do this afternoon?

What did I eat for dinner?

Anything special on television?

Did I take my evening pills?

How do I feel today?

It would be wonderful if Betty would use this but she balks at every suggestion. Right now she seems to be in excuse mode even when they make no sense. There is a lot to stay on top of and a lot to try to dance around to try to help someone who denies they need help.

I need to walk the fine line of helping with important things like pills and letting her do as much as she can because...use it or lose it!

How Does Marriage Survive?

2010-07-13T21:10:00.002-04:00

Fresh from a screaming match with my husband about....his mother. I keep wondering how a marriage can survive this and what the breaking point will be. Tonight it was after the evening phone call during which he had himself muted and was talking to me about the All-Star Game right after he asked his mother if she removed the Aricept from her pill box. I yelled, sorry..that was my reaction to it, "PAUSE and MUTE the friggin TV when you are talking to your mother!" Well that sure went over big! He was about as mad as it goes because he doesn't ike being told what to do.

Too bad! Today we had to tell his mom, over the phone, that her doctor wanted her to discontinue Aricept because it seems to be adding Confusion to the Memory Loss. I got her to remove todays small white pill but with all her talking I could not get her to remove the rest of the week so I asked hubby to do it during his call. There she was with the pill box in hand saying that there was nothing in todays slots so she must have taken them...there was the perfect opportuity to encourage her to take them out of at the very least, tomorrow, and my husband could NOT pause and mute the TV.

It just really may drive me crazy. His argument style is to attack with fast words and screaming and my style is to talk calmly...repeating, much like his mother with yelling added for good measure. We get no where! I am left with these tears which I am hiding at all cost! I can't help but worry about her, it seems to be my nature. Call me a control freak.

What my husband does is throw back articles I have read to him about NOT quizzing the Alzheimer patient. I find it so annoying that he does it that I start yelling back at him. Quizzing her and trying to lead her slowly through a task are two very different things...at least they are to me.

Last week I was on the couch overnight and when we talked the next day I had hope that we could work together. Tonight I feel less hopeful that we can survive this crisis. I take on too much responsibility and worry too much I guess and I honestly have no idea how to balance myself. I spend hour upon hour reading about this crappy disease and trying to make her life and ours easier. Am I failing? Maybe so.

The Accusations Roll In

2010-07-05T16:34:00.001-04:00

Yesterday was one of my most stressful and tiring days. Started out with Betty asking if I had ever touched anything when I went into her room. I told her that I have only gone in her room once when looking for her small purple container but that she knew about that. I didn't think anymore about it until hubby had gone down to the treadmill and Betty stormed down the stairs with this angry face and angry tone in her voice as she said, "I really want to know why you took all my vitamins and pills from my room!" I was taken aback at the tone and the body language but I remained calm as I asked which pills she was talking about. The only ones here are in her daily pill container so I wanted to be clear. She started to go on and on about her vitamin and pill bottles being on the desk and that now they are gone.

I calmly told her that all of her pills are at her nieces house in the drawer where she left them after we filled her pill box. She looked at me as though I just landed in a space ship and informed me that she had brought all of the bottles with her. I stayed calm and told her that they were in the drawer when we left and that maybe she could call Paula and check and then she started to back off a bit. Finally she sat down on the couch and started to talk about the pill box and filling it and how she does it at home. Then she started with saying that at home, (in FL) she never had any problems with the pill she took or the vitamins. I reminded her that now there are three pills and that is why we want her to use the daily pill box with the AM and PM slots.

She talked a bit about her feelings and needing to fill the pill box by herself. I tried to remind her that I had wanted her to do it and she told me to do it. She finally got up and came over to me and started to cry and apologize. I told her that love means never having to say you are sorry and that everything will be ok.

This was one of my first experiences with an actual accusation and it is just so hard. I pray that I will have the patience, love and gentleness to always know that this is AD not Betty!!

A Wonderful Surprise

2010-07-02T17:49:00.004-04:00

I have to say it was a perfectly wonderful surprise to sign in, first time since April, and find such supportive comments from lovely blog friends.

We are back home in Massachusetts for the summer with Bob's mom staying with her niece during the week and here Thursday thru Monday or Tuesday. The packing and flying back for her was very difficult and we have topped it off by starting her on Aricept which seems to have her in a lot of confusion beyond the memory loss. She went through some tests in early June which came back that she has had no stroke and showed that she has mild cerebral atrophy. The doctor decided to give the Aricept a try so we started it after she was here in MA a week. Thank God she has not had stomach problems or dizziness from it but we have noticed that her confusion is profound. We can tell her that today is Friday and she can't recall it within seconds! On top of that I finally got her to have her pills and vitamins in one of those daily pill containers but...YOU HAVE TO KNOW what day to take. This morning I found the Wednesday pills gone...Arghh!

Bob is slowly coming to terms with this but he still lacks patience and a lot is falling to me as I am Miss Care Taker of the world. I am pretty sure I signed up for that when we got married, right? Haaaa!!! Oh fun!

Our drive back was stressful as always and I laugh everytime I think that Bob wants to buy an RV. Oh joy of joys what a pleasure that would be. I realize I am a drill sargeant and I am a "get things done" type so I have NO USE for even THINKING about which side of the car to pack the extra shoe in. LOL!! Of course we had Miss Booey, our cat, and she was as always, a trooper. She loves the Microtel suite...I honestly believe she thought she was going to be living there.

I left all of my art supplies I had brought to FL down there as there was just no room in the car. Just before leaving I bought a new paper cutter and can hardly wait to get back down there in late September to use it. I have thousands of rubber stamps here but my inks are there. LOL Oh! I just remembered that I left my Copic's there. Grrr! This time will go quickly and I have a lot of art supplies still here so I will need to get them out and start creating.

Back to checking on pill taking and answering the question, "Now, what day is it?" Thankfully she appreciates all I do...that makes it all easier.

2010-04-16T19:16:00.002-04:00

How does one argue with an 87 year old woman who claims she forgets nothing when she forgets so much? It isn't really that you want to argue it is more that you want to help so that next time things might go a little more smoothly. For instance, last year she forgot her glasses when she came north. She doesn't remember that she forgot...so when we mention that she needs to make a list of things to bring, she gets all worked up.
We try to just mention that a list would make things easier but she then insists that she has been coming north for years and has never forgotten a thing. Not only that but then it gets into other things totally unrelated. Then, it becomes, a shouting match between Bob and Betty. He really does not have a lot of patience and you NEED, A LOT!
I just have a headache. I tried to mention that she is getting angry at herself for things that she should not worry about. I remind her that her brothers would not even THINK about getting mad because NONE of this would matter to them. Then she mentions her fear. I think talking a bit about the fear is good for her. She does know that her brothers have Alzheimer's and she of course worries that it may strike her. We feel that it has, but there is no diagnosis yet. Wish there were a miracle drug for this dread disease.

The Issue of Memory

2010-04-12T17:20:00.003-04:00

I have wanted to talk about this in my blog but have really shut down for quite a few months. My mother-in-law developed noticeable memory problems last summer. I had been saying that something was amiss for YEARS but no one could see it but me. Of course it became MY issue rather than hers, but I am even more convinced now that there was a problem.

Anyway, we came down to Florida to be near her to evaluate how severe the memory problem was and here we are. We still have not resolved anything and I must say that I am feeling as worried now as I was back in August 2009. Today we finally brought the signed papers to her doctors to allow him to talk to us. Next comes a phone appointment or something. It seems overwhelming.

I am a pretty patient person...Bob is not. Listening to the stories over and over drives him crazy. Being in pain has not helped my patience a bit but thankfully I have the TENS and it has helped a bit. I really am not sure what to do...it is scary!

Betty has two brothers and a sister diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease; all in different stages. Bob and I were talking today about the possibility of Assisted Living for her but with the caveat of us living nearby as that is all she talks about. I mentioned to Bob that we need to start thinking about where we would be willing to stay and then go from there to introduce the idea of Assisted Living to Betty.

It is so hard!

2010-04-12T17:18:00.002-04:00

Proud mom advertising blog of son! http://fromadadseye.blogspot.com/
Enjoy!

Round IS a Shape

2010-04-10T22:38:00.004-04:00

I use large font so that I can see as I type. I am 59 now..next year 60. Who woulda thunk? For some reason I always thought I was going to check out long ago. No one is more surprised than me.

All I see on TV now that this health care passed is about obesity. Ahhh...obesity. I have so much obesity, my obesity is obese. What the heck...I try to lose. At least I am able to get a bike ride in thanks to the recumbent bike. It was a pretty penny but honestly I could not do any exercise so this has saved me. This is my bike and I just love it. I am out of shape... unless you too consider round a shape! But, I am able to do it. Since my back injury I have been unable to do much including walking so this is a Godsend!!!

2010-04-10T08:47:00.002-04:00

I cannot believe that I have neglected my blog for so long and that it took my son starting a blog to make me open mine! That is just WRONG! I have been in FL since October taking care of Bob's mom and there has been a lot I could have blogged about but I chose ants and then trailed off... Arghh!

I am off to ride my bike which I will blog about as soon as I get back, eat breakfast, put my TENS on my back and relax.

P.S. For now the ants are history. Ants in Florida come back. Armed and ready for them!

My handsome son and his wonderful family!

ANTS!

2009-11-13T08:37:00.000-05:00

Ants came marching ten by ten...boo hoo! I can't get rid of these little suckers. We need a snowstorm in FL...just one good one to kill these ants off. I just found two crawling across my laptop screen. Grrrr!

A Move

2009-11-12T12:58:00.003-05:00

Who knew?!! I find mysef temporarily living in Florida to be closer to Bob's mom while we, let's say, evaluate! I love our apartment and the warm weather is good for my fibromyalgia and back pain. The move was just so tiring that it is taking time to recover. I seem to sleep twice as much and that is without help!

Booey seems ok..a bit out of sorts but certainly is finding her spots to be comfy here. She has an appointment at a vet we found down here tomorrow and hopefully her thyroid tests will be better!

Been to two of my grandson's Little League games and that is a huge plus!!! I will get my camera unpacked soon.

All my stamping equipment I brought is still packed...soon to be unpacked!! I am home..for now.

2009-06-07T14:45:00.003-04:00

I have been slacking off as far as posting my cards here. I have no idea why but maybe I can get going again!

Magnolia - Tilda

2009-05-19T10:44:00.004-04:00

I just love this Tilda with her glasses. This was an experiment making paper flowers. Not so thrilled with them. Bob says I used every trick in the book on this one. LOL!

Tilda is Born Again!

2009-05-12T16:47:00.007-04:00

Just Magnolia Challenge; stitching.
This might be the first time I have used this magnolia Tilda stamp. I just love her! She is colored with copics. I added a little button dog I found in my mom's button stash, just cut the shank off. Of course there is my trusty cuttlebug..can I ever get away from that dot embossing folder? I stitched it on the machine and tore one end using my deckle edge ruler. I am still determined to use the tools I have purchased over the years!!!!! The brads are glittery and the round saying is from one of those booklets of quotes. I wish they were smaller!

Scor-pal Grid

2009-05-12T11:25:00.002-04:00

This is my first attempt at a grid card using my scor-pal. I love the scor-pal so much and have found myself using it more than any other tools I have. These stamps are clear and as usual I am having trouble with them falling off the acrylic block. I used the cuttlebug dot embossing folder as well.

Happy Mother's Day to My Friends

2009-05-10T14:08:00.001-04:00

Happy Mom's Day to all who nurture children!

To Honor My Mother

2009-05-09T23:03:00.005-04:00

Frances Gray my mom!
1916 - 2002

I honor the memory of my mom with a happy heart, fond memories, and hope in my heart. She was the most awesome woman I have ever known and I miss her terribly.
I put together a scrapbook in record speed after her death...to display after the funeral. We had gone through her drawers and here are two of the things I found.

I Have Found Such Joy

I have found such joy in simple things;
A plain clean room, a nut-brown loaf of bread,
A cup of milk, a kettle as it sings,
The shelter of a roof above my head,
And in a leaf-laced square along a floor,
Where yellow sunlight glimmers through a door.

I have found such joy in things that fill
My quiet days; a curtain's blowing grace,
A potted plant upon my windowsill,
A rose fresh-cut and placed within a vase,
A table cleared, a lamp beside a chair,
And books I long have loved beside me there.

Grace Noll Crowell

And....her sense of humor helped to keep her chin up.
"I don't mind dying. I just don't want to be there when it happens." Woody Allen

Stamper's Corner Bling Mingle

2009-05-05T20:59:00.003-04:00

Bling is the theme for one of this months mingles. This doesn't have much bling, just two pearl brads...but it is bling.

MAY ATC of The Month BABIES

2009-05-02T10:28:00.002-04:00

Here is my Stamper's Corner ATC for May. The theme was babies and I had some paper and stickers from a card I had made when my granddaughter was born and luckily I found it. Did I say my craft cave is a HUGE mess?

2009-04-29T11:43:00.001-04:00

Just Magnolia Challenge #2

2009-04-26T17:52:00.005-04:00

This weeks challenge at Just Magnolia's is a Pink & Green theme. Funny thing is I did pink and green for swap #1! I pulled out the old sewing machine for this one and used copics for Tilda.

Tilda Birthday

2009-04-25T10:34:00.002-04:00

This is part of my Spark People Stamp to Lose Challenge...loosely. Stamp in a window was the challenge.

Just Magnolia Challenge

2009-04-22T11:18:00.006-04:00

How bad is this? I saw a sketch challenge and decided to try it...now..WHERE is it?????? LOL I cannot remember for the life of me. So, here is Tilda.

5:10 pm.........WOO HOO!!!
Found the sketch challenge @ Just Magnolia Blog

I cut the circle with nestabilities and then ran it through the cuttlebug. The flowers needed a little something so I used some stickles glitter in the center. This is only the 2nd. Tilda I have colored and I think I need tons more practice but I am having fun with it!

Sketch Challenge Paper Craft Planet

2009-04-18T18:30:00.003-04:00

This is my very first sketch card...I am serious. I have never done one before. Don't ask me why because it was great fun! Paper Craft Planet is an awesome place.. and Saturday is a sketch challenge. Come on over and join!!!

Stampers Corner Mingle

2009-04-17T17:00:00.003-04:00

Finished a Friendship Mingle for Stamper's Corner Yahoo group.
House Mouse stamp

Cuttlebag Challenge #27

2009-04-16T20:25:00.002-04:00

This weeks "Be Inspired Challenge" is Numbers...appropriate for Tax Day! I made a card for a friend who will be turning the BIG 40! I used some sticker numbers that are part of a package bought at a yard sale...they are over 40 and made at a company called Dennison which was in a town near where I grew up. I have this huge stash of numbers and letters as well as some Christmas stickers from waaay back. It instantly brought back memories as I licked them. Ewww! How lucky we are to have self-adhesive stickers and stamps!

Happy News!

2009-04-16T11:35:00.005-04:00

I have some wonderful news. My son Chris asked his beautiful Melissa to be his wife and she said, "Yes!" I am so happy for them.
I quickly made a card for them and am off to mail it! Inside it says..."you found each other. Congratulations on your engagement." I guess you can't see the sparkles...but it is covered with them.

Miss Booey Cat and her Blog

2009-04-15T10:55:00.002-04:00

Miss Booey has started a blog and I am afraid that some of her posting has gone haywire because it looks like she posted all of my cards. I will try to keep her under control but you know how cats can be! It is hard to deal with a Techno Cat!
Feel free to take a look at her blog; MissBooeyCat
She is also Twittering under the same name; MissBooeyCat

Cuttlebug Spot Challenge #26

2009-04-14T11:45:00.004-04:00

This week the challenge at CuttlebugSpot is to make a card that is NOT rectangle or square. The circle shaped card was cut using my Martha Stewart circle cutter. I used my nestie circles to make the "rug" and the mat behind the sentiment which was computer generated. The flowers came from a "bunch of flowers" I removed from the stems and used brads as the centers. My little framed picture of "Pa", who is off playing with his band most of the time, is from a Kliban calendar and is mounted on a tiny wooden square shape. The rick rack is from my dear mom's stash who handed down the crafting genes. Mother's Day is hard to celebrate now that she is gone! My favorite of all is my Kliban stamp..one of many I have collected.

2009-04-12T15:25:00.005-04:00

I have no idea what has come over me. I actually stitched this by hand. LOL! Just a simple card which started elaborate and ended with simplicity!

Cat - All Night Media
Happy Birthday - Raindrops on Roses
Stampin' Up Border Punch
Nestabilities

Easter... He is Risen!

2009-04-12T11:54:00.001-04:00

(A dear friend Beth writes these wonderful devotionals)

Even before Easter Sunrise...

........the earth rumbles the silent explosion into actuality...

LOVE IS ALIVE... the LORD IS RISEN IN NEED!

Even in the cold that continues to hold back the blossoming of spring...

Even in the raindrops that fall and saturate the ground with tears....

Even in the midst of hurling winds that bend the trees and limbs into submission...

LOVE IS ALIVE... in the light and the dark... the sun and the shadows... the sleeping and the waking... whether dormant or active... in stillness and fury... in sickness and in health... in plenty and in need... with old and young... individuals and families... inside and out... up or down... right or left... wondering and believing... happy or sad... alone or grouped... questioning or answering... right or wrong... in doubt or in hope...

It is time to remember GOD'S LOVE IS RISEN INDEED!

GOD'S LOVE bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. GOD'S LOVE NEVER ENDS...

For all of time and eternity... for people of every culture and tradition... for every creation in heaven and on earth and in space beyond...

GOD'S LOVE IS ALIVE!

NOTHING can separate us from God's love that is poured out continually... molded in and around us... filling us up... and flowing within and without... restoring and renewing...breathing in resurrection and life everlasting.

It is time to remember again and again that loving one another draws us nearer to the heart of God and to the meaning of life more abundant!

REJOICE! GOD LOVES YOU ALWAYS!

The Lord is risen.... LOVE IS ALIVE INDEED!

Beth Bondurant

Cuttlebug Challenge

2009-04-11T15:22:00.003-04:00

I was buzzing around looking at blogs when I came across cuttlebugchallange blog.

The challenge was to make a card using kraft, black and white/ivory. I used the kraft through the cuttlebug and then used my nestabilities to cut out the stamped image. I think it is a Hero Arts stamp.. (better check.) Since i have been using my money to buy things like; Copic's, nestabilities, and a few Magnolia stamps I have no money to get new stamps. You will see a lot of "oldies but goodies" on my blog.

2009-04-11T13:01:00.001-04:00

In my blog travels I found this quote by Dr. Seuss and I share his advice with you..

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter

and those who matter don't mind.”

2009-04-10T16:13:00.003-04:00

I have StampingTink to thank for this card. She posted the tutorial on her blog and since it looked pretty easy I decided to give it a try.
The stamps are S.U. and I used my new nestabilities.

My First Tilda

2009-04-09T15:40:00.003-04:00

tHere she is at long last....tah dah...my very first Tilda. I will post the rest of the info later.

Stamper's Corner April Mingle

2009-04-05T18:40:00.003-04:00

This is a mingle for Stamper's Corner.....Thoughts of Spring. Nothing makes me think spring like blooming forsythia. I used Stamps by Judith for the tree and bowl. Then I punched a bunch of tiny yellow flowers, three sizes, and sat and glued each one on. Hours later...voila!

Be Joyful In Hope

2009-04-02T19:19:00.003-04:00

Another card with the Outlines stamp. this time I colored with chalks and added a computer generated verse. I have been trying to find more of these small gold photo corners...to no avail.

Just Because

2009-04-01T18:26:00.002-04:00

Today's card is made using an Outlines rubber stamp. I stamped it with black archival ink and then bleached out the petals. I used some gold quilting thread to wind around the layer behind the stamp. Once again I am using paper from my two million wallpaper books for a background. You are welcome Al Gore..just doing my part!

Stair Step Card for Stamper's Corner

2009-03-31T18:57:00.002-04:00

One of April's Mingles in Stamper's Corner is a stair step card. I used a few of the House Mouse stamps and colored them in with Copic's. The hardest part was taking the picture! Lots of fun to do this technique.

He Is Risen

2009-03-29T18:40:00.001-04:00

Marco Paper Blogging!

2009-03-27T22:18:00.003-04:00

This is really terrific...my favorite place to shop at stamp conventions has joined the blogging world!
Marco Paper Blogspot They have a great website and so many awesome things to buy. Take a look if you need any specialty paper...this is the place! Marco Paper Online

I need to make a decision..do I buy a Big Shot or a Wizard? I have more Nestabilities coming and I am so sick of trying to get the "sandwich" right to get them through the Cuttlebug. I suppose I will have to do a search and see what others think!

Todays card.....

This is another glitter window card...I like the background paper best. These are just not thrilling me!

Stamp To Lose Challenge

2009-03-26T20:07:00.003-04:00

This week the challenge was to make a glitter window card and I have to admit I was at a loss. These are a lot of fun to make and the instructions can be found on SplitcoastStampers.

2009-03-26T12:42:00.001-04:00

This is a window shaker card done a long time ago..posting for some advice!

Easter

2009-03-25T10:40:00.003-04:00

Another Easter card this time using that wonderful rabbit stamp I like so much. This is NOT Bob's favorite card because he doesn't appreciate green. I love green and blue together. I did not have a small enough Happy Easter stamp so I took one of those very inexpensive stickers and mounted it and put some crystal stuff on to give it some dimension.

2009-03-23T21:45:00.003-04:00

This black and white card was inspired by my joining New England Bloggers. I noticed that the InkMistress was there and I had purchased "The Beauty of a Woman" stamp from her several years ago and..sit down..had never used it!

I also used the Silhouette Flower from Stampin' Up. The circular words are from a piece of scrapbook paper and it makes me want to buy some of those circular stamps.

I don't do much with black and white because I am a BRIGHT COLOR person with my cards and black with my clothes. this was a nice change. If I use it as a birthday card I will stamp Happy Birthday with embossed silver on the photo corner.

Miss Booey and The Cutest Pet Contest

2009-03-22T16:21:00.004-04:00

Miss Booey is quiet excited to announce that she has entered her picture in "The Cutest Pet" (feel free to click there and vote for Miss Booey) contest our local newspaper. She borrowed the first $5.00 (entry fee) from me and THEN had the audacity to ask for $10.00 additional for 40 through votes! She has explained to me the money, 25 cents per vote, supports the NIE program. (Newspapers In Education) Seemed like a good cause so I did lend her the money but I am really wondering if I will ever get paid back!

I told her she should have used this picture because it has a, "YOU BETTAH VOTE FOR ME" look...don't you think?

Banana Crumb Muffins

2009-03-22T10:35:00.003-04:00

These muffins are so delicious! I cannot tell you how many over ripe banana's I have sneaked into the trash. No more! These are just yummy and must be healthy because they have oats. LOL!!! The only thing I do that might be considered healthy...I use Smart Balance instead of butter. So now you know why I have been a member of Spark People for so many years and the scale stays right where it started!

Stamp To Lose Challenge

2009-03-21T21:32:00.002-04:00

Another challenge from Spark People, Stamp to Lose Team. No matter how I put this in the scanner it looks crooked! IRL it is straight...really! I saw this picture of someone trying to hypnotize you...the circle was going round and round and round. This paper sort of reminds me of that circle. Stare at it for awhile and then repeat three times.."I will do my exercises, I will do my exercises, I will do my exercises!"
Let me know if it works!

Stamper's Corner Easter Mingle

2009-03-21T11:48:00.003-04:00

I made this for the Easter Mingle.. I do love this bunny! Looking forward to trying out Copic's on her. See the ribbon? More of my mom's. She is looking down and smiling I am sure! By the way the price on the tag was $.80 for a 5 yard package.

2009-03-19T20:16:00.002-04:00

I was hoping the the recipe on this card could be read but I am not sure that it can. This was my first recipe card swap for Just Cards.

Actually...if you click on the picture it is large enough to read and let me tell you..it is YUMMY!

Happy St. Paddy's Day!

2009-03-17T19:22:00.003-04:00

from Ginger Lawler!

My Birthday Card Sun

2009-03-17T13:37:00.002-04:00

My grandson Joe sent me a birthday card and this sun was on the back of the card that he created. I have artsy grandchildren who feel free when they take out markers and crayons. I really love that my daughter and son-in-law must have nurtured that. I save all of the cards they send me, store-bought or home-made because it is so wonderful to look at them and see their handwriting or their choice of colors. Right now my granddaughter, Caroline's "art" that her mom sent, adorns my fridge. Caroline is 18 months old and I am pretty sure her art work will change through the years but I have one of her first! I have one of Jim's first stories so when he is a great author I will be able to tell folks..."I have one of his "earliest works."
So many times I wish that someone had not been so critical of my attempts at art because it has really caused me to be afraid to "just create." Today I will try to just let the art flow out of me.